Reality. Sinks In

 There comes a time in life where you realize that you don't have to please everybody else just yourself. To be ok with the person you look at in the mirror, you go to bed at night and you wake up to each morning is set Heaven ready and ok with themselves is the time you finally realize "I done all I could do God".

Maybe it wasn't the right choice for everyone involved, maybe you failed your children in ways that they will never understand. Someday their children won't understand either so you just know you did ok with what you did, made mistakes but at the end of the day ask yourself "Did anyone die"?, did it scar you so bad you can't go to work tomorrow? Good then carry on and you try to do better than I have failed to do. When you can lay the ball down and know you've chased that dream, did you win? I don't know I got side tracked 15 times trying to get to the finish line. Life, got in the way! Life held me down when I wanted to go, life held me to the grindstone when I wanted to get a better view of the other side. Life was not greener in that pasture because I'm the crazy one that tried to see for myself, and guess what troubled life still happened after you got that green paint off your knees. You get back up and you try with everything in you to not strike out this time, right when your directed to the outfield. Wrong team mate, couldn't you do better than that? Life and I do mean hard knock battle ground and war zones drawn life got in the way.

With that being said I want to remind myself that throughout every battle I've endured, yep those self inflicted ones were hard to take! There was a savior that never once thought I wasn't gonna make it out of that alive.

There wasn't once that he ever saw me as unworthy to be his child. He never once turned his back on me, left me alone to question my own worth. No those times I questioned myself was when I walked away from him and doubted myself.

If I'm speaking to anyone's heart tonight I ask that you please pray for me, because I'm battling the reality of how good God really is. Why does someone get to put my worth by my own excepted faults? Why do I feel as if I am judged but my failures? Why can't the world see l've tried to fix my past?

I lay it down and I vow to my Lord and Savior, I will not pick it up again. I'm going to look in my mirror with the value, grace, hope and love that he gave me not as the world gives but as he gives! Yep I'm that foolishly crazy lady that fails my Savior daily, but he loves me despite my ego, bruised knees and harden heart. I'm content in knowing I'm closer to Heaven than I am living, everyday is one step closer to eternity, whoere I will not question my value ever again, I won't question my mistakes anymore and I won't feel like I owe anyone ever again a reason to why I failed them, but more than all things I failed myself and my Savior.

Why? Because it was never mine to fix? I just wouldn't leave God to work alone while I was trying to take the tools right out of his hands. When I got old enough I stopped then I began to know how deeply tired I was.

Goodnight

Let my soul be clear and my heart whole,

Waiting Patiently to Psalms 46:10 Be Still and Know.

хохо,

Love Myself

Written do myself as a reminder of my own worth