Through the Storm “Surviving His Death”

January 12, 2014  I scream out loud tonight, but no one hears me but my father. the frustration of no being able to understand what he says, gets to him and his agitation goes back up and back to the vent he goes. I question maybe I should just not go for the 48 hours and maybe without seeing me he will stay calm and come off the ventilator permanently, but how do I not go? He would think I don't care and I don't love him. He got mad threw the paper across the room and points to the door, all the while I cry and cry inside myself. How Oh Lord how do we get past this. Will he ever forgive me for this trach or will I ever forgive myself for allowing them to put it in? Did I do everything right, help him Lord Jesus to see that all these things can be removed and have some of his life back, please Lord I'm begging you hear my plea. <3 My strength cometh in the Morning.

  January 12, 2014 AM Post I sit here and look around at many troubled people that sit in this ICU waiting room not knowing if their love ones will make it or what shape they will be in. I witnessed the passing of a lady today that got the flu and several day into it she developed a heart attack and lack of oxygen and passed away today. I ask that everyone please remember this special family that tonight is so heart broken. I realized I am blessed because I still have Philip with me and he has been off the vent almost all day so that in itself is a miracle. He will have to be off for 48 hours before he can be moved to a room so we can be with him. In that 48 hours he must remain calm and not agitated so please be in much prayer for him. I am thinking about how life has changed and how easy it would be to give up but God is my strength and that is not an option for me, God is my sanity my breath my will to go on and I know it will all be worth it in the end. It is almost the last vi...

January 11,  2014  If you have a chance to make things right today, I beg of you to do it. Tomorrow will never be promised us and today is not done. People expect only good to come to us, but good can always come through trials also. My husband and I are examples of just that. For those of you who may not know our story: On December 21, 2013 my husband developed the flu, and was very sick. I rushed him to the hospital the morning of the 22nd because I could not get his fever down (104.5) they treated him and said yes he has the flu. Home again we believed everything would get better with the Tamiflu. One week later he was still sick, and had a terrible cough, it was the weekend so not much we could do. On Sunday my daughter-in-law went into labor, so him not able to go I went for us both to welcome our new grandson baby Silas, born on Monday December 30, 2013 at 4:09 PM, love him so much and would never change my time of being in Labor and Delivery with my son and daughter-in-...

 I’m home! I’m home! I want to know how many of you think I just might be related to Job? I won’t push my luck on that statement, but I will push my luck and tell you how Great and Powerful God truly is.  I had a massive headache yesterday that was one of the worst I have ever had. I literally was holding my head with both hands trying to keep my head on (or that’s how it felt). My neck felt like it was crushed down in excruciating pain, so I went to Murray Medical Center for evaluation. I had a immediate brain & neck CT, which was ok. The doctor knew I needed a Spinal Tap and further work up immediately so off to Erlanger I went VIA Ambulance this time lol, NO more Helicopter rides for this chic, unless God sees it that way.  I arrived at Erlanger and had a spinal tap sometime in the early morning hours, by two awesome Neurologist, which ended up with several spinal taps OUCh! The normal high spinal fluid pressure is 20, mine was at 38, so it had to be drained down. ...

 Some food for thought today as I walked around to see the progress of the seeds I had planted a few weeks ago. I think back as I watch these Elephant Ears start to pop out of the ground ( pictures below) as tiny babies, yet to grow so huge and beautiful. This happens to be my very favorite plant in the world.  “When I was small we would go down randomly to my Granny Hardy’s on a over night trip ( I guess because I (my mom & dad, thought she must live 5 hours away, why else would we have to pack up everything to go for a overnight stay) she lived in Villa Rica, GA (1 hour 30 minutes max lol) guess back then it made more sense (🤷🏼‍♀️) as I’ve gotten older I go sometimes for a day to visit my cousins and back home lol. Anyways my granny lived in a low income apartment complex and they all looked just a like. Every time we arrived my granny (❤️❤️) had (accidentally 🤣) forgotten something at the store and just happen to have some money out to send me straight to the store (...

 If I could change life, I would I mean, after all wouldn’t Well want to change something that has happened   In this lifetime, God is giving me strength to overcome more obstacles than I even thought was possible. Your imagination cannot even gather all the things that are possible in this walks of life there’s ups there’s downs, sideways, crossways, ocean waves, and all the above that will try to destroy everything you have if you let it he’s called Satan ! We can gather and do the best we can with what we’ve been given because after all me when none of us have been given an application being a widow has endured the hardest hardships of my life there’s never been There will never be anything easy about it. I wasn’t ask if I wanted to do this and if it happens to you, you’ll not be asked it’s scary. It’s so hard you lose your right arm. Your soul is ripped apart and you can’t even breathe but yet you’re expected to go on every day and smile like life is great. Well it’s not D...