Through the Storm “Surviving His Death”

 January 13, 2014 What a day!! Amazingly I saw my husband today, and it was such a blessing. He has been awake all day they came in done therapy with him, and he has improved 100 % from yesterday. What a God we serve, he is mighty. I left the hospital last night with all hope gone, and God shows up and does amazing things, brings a new day and Philip was wide awake this morning at the 8:30 visit and all the visits through out the day. At 8:30 tonight he was worn out, but still good, he gets a little bit panicky when you tell him you will be back at a certain time and they don't open the doors right on time, he is upset. He is scared back there all alone, and wants us to be with him, which is so understandable. It was different when he was on so much medication but they have pulled back on so much he stays awake more. I am so grateful to see my husbands eyes to feel him touch my face and read his lips saying "I love you", thank you God for these times. Our mountains are ve...

January 12, 2014  I scream out loud tonight, but no one hears me but my father. the frustration of no being able to understand what he says, gets to him and his agitation goes back up and back to the vent he goes. I question maybe I should just not go for the 48 hours and maybe without seeing me he will stay calm and come off the ventilator permanently, but how do I not go? He would think I don't care and I don't love him. He got mad threw the paper across the room and points to the door, all the while I cry and cry inside myself. How Oh Lord how do we get past this. Will he ever forgive me for this trach or will I ever forgive myself for allowing them to put it in? Did I do everything right, help him Lord Jesus to see that all these things can be removed and have some of his life back, please Lord I'm begging you hear my plea. <3 My strength cometh in the Morning.

  January 12, 2014 AM Post I sit here and look around at many troubled people that sit in this ICU waiting room not knowing if their love ones will make it or what shape they will be in. I witnessed the passing of a lady today that got the flu and several day into it she developed a heart attack and lack of oxygen and passed away today. I ask that everyone please remember this special family that tonight is so heart broken. I realized I am blessed because I still have Philip with me and he has been off the vent almost all day so that in itself is a miracle. He will have to be off for 48 hours before he can be moved to a room so we can be with him. In that 48 hours he must remain calm and not agitated so please be in much prayer for him. I am thinking about how life has changed and how easy it would be to give up but God is my strength and that is not an option for me, God is my sanity my breath my will to go on and I know it will all be worth it in the end. It is almost the last vi...

January 11,  2014  If you have a chance to make things right today, I beg of you to do it. Tomorrow will never be promised us and today is not done. People expect only good to come to us, but good can always come through trials also. My husband and I are examples of just that. For those of you who may not know our story: On December 21, 2013 my husband developed the flu, and was very sick. I rushed him to the hospital the morning of the 22nd because I could not get his fever down (104.5) they treated him and said yes he has the flu. Home again we believed everything would get better with the Tamiflu. One week later he was still sick, and had a terrible cough, it was the weekend so not much we could do. On Sunday my daughter-in-law went into labor, so him not able to go I went for us both to welcome our new grandson baby Silas, born on Monday December 30, 2013 at 4:09 PM, love him so much and would never change my time of being in Labor and Delivery with my son and daughter-in-...